Collaborative Practice - resolutions that work!

Why don’t more people use Collaborative Law?

carlmichaelrossi — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 22:02:02 +0000

Mr. Zeytoonian is one of the nation’s leading proponents for the use of Collaborative Practice (Law) for resolving various types of disputes.

Why don’t more people use Collaborative Law?.

Respond to Hurtful Statements?

Erin Birt — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 22:09:25 +0000

Hurtful statements can derail and/or prolong the collaborative process. It is a common occurrence which must be addressed immediately in order to stay focused on the main goal of resolving a legal issue. Below are some general principles for how to handle hurtful statements during a collaborative meeting (or at home).

As a party, when a hurtful statement is directed to you, it is important to pause, breathe, think, and try not to respond immediately. If needed, ask to take a break. Give yourself time to acknowledge how you truly feel about the person’s comments. Often if you wait a few minutes to respond, you will understand better why the person said the hurtful statement.

Hurtful statements can be a result of ignorance, confusion, misunderstanding, or lack of information. If you can determine the possible motivation for the hurtful statement, you can respond appropriately.

If you chose to respond, the following are general principles:

1. Be direct. Talk to the person that offended you and not to others.

2. Be specific. Be brief and explain exactly what offended you.

3. Be timely. Do not address this issue days or weeks later. Memories will fade and perceptions will change.

4. Use “I” statements to communicate how the statements affected you.

5. Explicitly state what changes you want the person to make. Ex: Do not make derogatory remarks in front of the children.

6. Acknowledge change. Express appreciation for the change in behavior, if possible.

Remember, not all hurtful statements need a response. If you determine the statement was made due to ignorance or ill will, it is okay to decline to respond.

A lot of time during settlement conferences can be devoted to addressing hurtful statements. As a practitioner, keeping an open mind and asking additional questions when hurtful statements are made can help clear up misunderstandings and allow the parties to refocus and resume working on resolving the legal issues.

When I find myself in times of trouble…..

carlmichaelrossi — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 16:09:16 +0000

   Sometimes I wonder if, because I work in ‘conflict resolution’, people think I have no conflicts in my life. Or that I know how to stop all conflict. Oh, how I wish that were true.
   I know that sometimes people come to me, whether it’s as a lawyer or a therapist [I'm both] and ask what is THE answer. They come to me thinking that conflict is resolved by a determination of “who’s right”….or “whose rights”.
   Conflict is almost never resolved that way. It may get suppressed, it may get abated…because it has been ‘decided’. But rarely does such a decision resolve the conflict between those who are involved. The conflict instead festers and grows until it boils over again and the ‘decision’ is questioned, ignored, or even attacked as wrong or biased.
   This is why I have believed so strongly for over 10 years in the possibility that is offered by the use of Collaborative Practice. Because its entire premise, its full focus is on reaching an agreement that works for all involved. Not a decision that tells them who ‘won’, or even a settlement that leaves them all with a partial ‘loss’. CP works toward neither a ‘win-lose’ nor even what some suggest is a ‘win-win’, but rather what I have come to call a ‘work-work’ outcome. One that solves the problem that resulted in conflict by creating an agreement that ‘works’ for all. And it works for those in many types of ‘conflict’….Business disputes, Medical mistakes, divorce…. check the CPPIL website for more info.
   It isn’t magic. And it isn’t always easy – for me and my colleagues and certainly not always easy for those who are in conflict. But I believe strongly in its possibility for supporting those who “find themselves in times of trouble” to find a way out.

I welcome your comments and questions.

carl Michael rossi, JD, LPC, NCC
www.CPChicago.net

Substance Addiction or Abuse and the Family

Erin Birt — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 14:49:49 +0000

What should you do if you realize that your spouse or ex-spouse is abusing or addicted to alcohol or drugs? Options for a family in transition are collaborative practices or traditional litigation when substance addiction or abuse is an issue for a family. Both options are discussed below.

As long as all parties and children are safe, it is possible to use collaborative law services if the spouse or ex is in therapy/rehab and sober for a period of time. The person needs time to learn healthy coping skills and to feel emotions again. Such skills are needed to engage in meaningful negotiations. This person should also have a strong support group: an attorney, a coach, a therapist, and family/friends.

There are several benefits of using collaborative practices, however one benefit that has been important to clients is that the drug use (past or present)will not become public (but if there is a pending criminal case it is already public) and thus is less likely to jeopardize the persons employment. It is also less likely to cause the person to be defensive which may interfere with their recovery. The collaborative approach will help the parties to create a visitation schedule that allows the party with the addiction to heal and continue a relationship with the family and child/children. Team members and professionals can help the parties to determine boundaries and goals that will help facilitate a safe and meaningful relationship with children.

Often in family litigation, if this situation arises, visitation is suspended. No time is used to develop a plan to help repair the family. This can hurt the parent and the child/children. But in a collaborative setting, a professional counselor and child coach can help the family deal with the substance issue and help create an agreement, whether its temporary or permanent, that can help the family through this difficult time.

Sometimes, the disease of addiction is such that a parent is not fit to be around family or children. If this is the case, an intervention can be planned or hospitalization or inpatient treatment should be evaluated. When a person is not fit to care for themselves, the family, or children, the collaborative process should not be initiated, but if so it should be suspended or altogether stopped.

If the collaborative approach is not acceptable to both parties or is not safe because the drug use is current and the person is not able to make decisions, the traditional adversarial system (litigation) should be considered and used. Typically in litigation, an emergency motion to modify visitation and/or custody is filed with the court. A hearing date will be selected by the party or attorney filing the emergency motion. On the initial hearing date, the court needs to decide if the issue is an emergency. If the court deems the issue an emergency, the court will proceed that day on the hearing on the petition to modify and enter a temporary order and then set the matter for a hearing date when all parties can be present. The temporary order may modify the visitation schedule, suspend visitation, or require supervised visitation. If the court does not deem the issue an emergency, it will not enter a temporary order, but rather it will enter an order that sets a future date to hear the petition to modify. If a criminal case is pending, the court may decide to set the hearing on the petition to modify at a later date when the criminal case is either resolved or at least under way. Criminal cases can take a long time to resolve, a temporary order may be entered subject to the outcome of the criminal case.

When addiction or substance abuse affects the family unit, it is best to consult with a professional so that you can determine what needs to be done to protect your family and children.

Erin N. Birt

Attorney, Collaborative Lawyer, Mediator

The Law Firm of Erin N. Birt, P.C.

2021 Midwest Road, Suite 200

Oak Brook, IL 60523

Tel: 630-705-5290

Divorce: What are my options?

annran12 — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 13:21:00 +0000

In thinking about the choices one has when faced with the certainty of divorce, a question that often arises for people is, “Does it really matter how we do it? ” If life after divorce is something you are concerned about – (and it often is) – then there is plenty of reason to be concerned about which legal process you and your spouse choose for the dissolution of your marriage.

What makes for a better life after divorce?

-an exerpt from the recently published ebook “Divorce: What are my options?” on Amazon.com

Let me start with this: A ‘better’ divorce makes for a better life after divorce.

Why do we divorce professionals insist that ”post-divorce adjustment” is so important? …

The answer is that it represents the rest of your life! In other words, the life that you and your children, or future children and possibly your future spouse or partner, have to look forward to.

It’s the #1 biggest concern that divorcing parents have – how will my children fare after the divorce, as a result of the divorce? Will they be damaged by our divorce? How can we make it easier for them? Important questions.

Research indicates that positive adjustment post-divorce is related to a number of factors, such as

age,
education,
socioeconomic status,
gender,

most of which are pre-determined; you have little choice about these factors.

However, there is some additional evidence that tells us there are certain factors that affect post-divorce adjustment which are not predetermined, …

and therefore within your ability to change or alter. This is great news, as it means that you are not helpless in the face of divorce. You can have an impact on the quality of your divorce and your post-divorce life!

***Several studies of divorce outcomes indicate that people who feel a greater sense of control during the divorce process experience less stress and report greater levels of satisfaction in their post-divorce lives. ***

(Feeling ‘in control’ is an antidote to anxiety and helps people manage stress of all kinds. )

The perception that you have ‘control’ in a stressful situation is dependent on

a belief that your needs and concerns will at least be acknowledged, if not actually addressed.

and …

a belief that you will not be forced or coerced into decisions that are against your best interests.

Surprisingly, another factor that leads to happier post-divorce lives is

an ongoing relationship with the former spouse

NOTE: This factor may be difficult for some people to accept, as the emotions that are associated with divorce are typically unpleasant, and are usually directed at – who else? – the spouse. This is a fairly normal initial reaction for anyone whose dreams for lifelong love and partnership are crushed. However,

if the hostility and blame toward your former spouse are indulged for too long, the result is a sort of “stuckness” in misery and unpleasantness, rather than a rebuilding of life.

When you give this idea some thought, you will probably see that there is good reason to think about the tone of your divorce. If you have a long, acrimonious battle of a divorce, what do you imagine your relationship with your former spouse will look like afterward?

This is a factor where you can directly have some control. Your choice of a legal process, to start, is a determining factor in the tone of your divorce. Consider your options: Litigation, mediation, or collaborative divorce.

Ann Randolph Cerney, MS LCPC

Hear more from Ann at www.blogtalkradio.com/cppil 2/8/11 broadcast.

www.randolphtheraphy.com

For a look at her new book ”Divorce: What Are My Options?” for Kindle, visit http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004LB55WW.

Collaborative Law…Collaborative Practice…What’s the Difference?

Theresa Beran Kulat — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 05:54:50 +0000

by Theresa Beran Kulat

What is Collaborative Law?

Collaborative Law is a way for people who have a legal problem to work out a solution, with the help of lawyers, outside of the court system. When these people find lawyers who are willing to participate in settlement negotiations with the express, written condition that if they don’t settle, the lawyers will withdraw, they have a Collaborative case.

This model of dispute resolution was first used to help divorcing people. Lawyers who want to focus on solving the problems associated with a break-up create a way for spouses to let go of the blame game and just work through the issues around a table rather than in a courtroom. People conduct themselves with integrity and dignity. When a divorcing couple has children, a collaborative process fosters communication between spouses that lays the foundation for better co-parenting in the future.

What is Collaborative Practice?

A more highly evolved form of Collaborative Law, Collaborative Practice adds other non-legal professionals to the problem-solving process to create more comprehensive solutions. To address the financial aspects of a case, the team includes a neutral financial specialist. If the couple has children, the team includes a neutral child specialist. Mental health professionals serving as coaches assist the couple and the team in managing the emotional complexities of a case.

Which Process is Better?

For those who choose a Collaborative Process, the choice between Collaborative Law or Collaborative Practice will, in large part, relate to the complexities of their specific case and how far apart they are on the issues. In addition, collaborative lawyers vary in their preferences. Some lawyers use neutral professionals; some don’t. Some couples refuse to include coaches on the team despite the lawyer’s recommendation; some take advantage of this additional help. Usually, couples with children see the value a child specialist can provide.

Bottom line: If you decide to divorce, do your research so you are fully informed and choose a lawyer whose values are aligned with yours. Then, take one day at a time to reach your most important goals.

Read Theresa’s blog at www.TBKCollaborate.com

Theresa B. Kulat www.integralfamilylaw.com

Phone 630-960-4656 Fax 630-960-4390

Welcome to YOUR blog!

carlmichaelrossi — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 18:22:58 +0000

I’ve set this up for the Collaborative Practice Professionals of Illinois so that ALL of our members would have a chance to share their thoughts, wisdom, impressions, advice about Collaborative Practice.

Everything from attitudes, to specifics details is ‘appropriate’. We will want of course only posts that relate to Collaborative Practice…

The intent here is that prospective clients can get to know you a bit better. We can get to learn from and about each other as well!

Any questions or comments, as always, let me know. This is and will remain a work in progress and I will be looking as much as I can to improve it and its value for us and the community.

InJoy!

cMr